Mitch Blum

“The Push”

(Please note that CJ has decided to be all fancy and title these essays. Like Bork Bork, I will support my man no matter what…MB)

After last week’s deeply religious episode, this week’s installment of Boardwalk Empire delves into the dark recesses of the cast’s souls to see what happens when they get pushed to their limits. As is often the case when one is trapped or cornered, the animalistic impulses that are common to all of us rise to the surface.

Let’s start with our man Nucky. Having been threatened and slighted by Dougherty, Nucky will go to any length to bring down the AG. With the lukewarm support of Esther Randolph and the fake i.d.-wielding Means, Enoch poses as successful cattleman in order to approach Secretary of the Treasury Andrew Mellon.

Side Note: Gaston Means is apparently a man who can get you whatever you need for a price. He’s like a 1923 cross between The Shawshank Redemption’s Red and Fast Times at Ridgemont High’s Damone. I wouldn’t be surprised if he offers Nucky and Esther front row seats to Cheap Trick.

Secretary Mellon, as we learned at that seemingly random Congressional hearing a couple of weeks ago, hates both The Volstead Act and income tax. Today, this would make him a viable candidate for Governor of New Hampshire. On the show, it makes him the perfect target for Nucky’s little scheme. It seems that Mellon, who is the jelly to Andrew Carnegie’s peanut butter, has a brewery in Pennsylvania that has been lying fallow lo these many years of Prohibition. Nucky endures another round of being called a nobody by a public official and then uses Mellon’s brewery as leverage to get him to indict Jess Smith.

That accomplished, he heads back to New York City and beats the shit out of Billie’s actor friend because the guy called him “sir.” See, that’s what happens when you think you’re important and somebody who actually is important tells you that you’re not. You go and pound on the guy who really is less important than you. Then, badda-bing, you’re important again. All this fighting causes Billie to change her hair color, lose her earrings and revert to her given name. Just in time to get blown to smithereens. Looks like the role of Nucky Thompson’s showgirl mistress has roughly the same life expectancy as second in command on the Death Star.

In Margaret’s case, getting pushed to her limits drives her to seek out a two-for-one sale on diaphragms. Seriously, BE writers, are we just using the Margaret-Owen-Young Doctor storyline to goose female viewership? ‘cause I’m pretty much done with Maggie and her mewling fascination with Owen. Fuck her! Fuck her sanctimony! Fuck her women’s classes! Fuck her childhood stories! Fuck her driving lessons! And fuck the damn pony!

See, that’s what happens when I get pushed to my imaginary TV fandom limits. Let’s move on to more interesting characters.

Nelson Van Alden. I love this guy. I really do. The dichotomy between his overly proper, uptight demeanor and the insane amount of violence the he is capable of is intoxicating. And I don’t just mean that because he now has a still in his home. So, now he’s paying off his debt to O’Bannon by making a little homebrew on the stove. (How much whiskey do you have to make in order to be even for disposing a body? Two cases? Ten? Can somebody look this up?) He’s also become O’Bannon’s “muscle,” which basically means that he has to carry that heavy trunk full of steam irons around. One thing, though. Muscle guys aren’t supposed to know the date of the Vesuvius eruption and the subsequent burial of Pompeii.

And speaking of irons and eruptions, the least surprising explosion of the week was NVA getting pushed too far and martinizing that guy’s face. Of course, Sigrid saves the day (and another midnight run) by siphoning off some aqua vitae for her Norse countrymen and selling it in Cicero’s world-famous Little Scandanavia District.

I’m going to admit something to you here because I feel like we’re close. I have a bit of a crush on Sigrid. Now, I never had much luck with the blond/blue-eyed set. But, maybe after a few more years with the pasty Van Alden, Siggy might go for a swarthy dude like me. What do you think? Do I have a chance?

And finally, we come to Gillian.

“Do you have anything to say?” she asks Richard at the cremation of fake James. “You were his friend.”

“Jimmy deserved better,” he grunts.

And with that pithy retort, he at once displays his disdain for Gillian and honors his dead friend. Mr. Harrow, I am frankly in awe.

Even mutton chop guy gets in on the action when Gillian asks for an extra minute with the body.

“I think we’ve bid our adieus,” he sneers.

In other words, “Cut the crap, lady.”

Gillian, now able to secure a loan against the house, pushes Charlie out of the whorehouse business. However, Gillian gets pushed by Nucky in the ultimate powerplay.

“You only exist in Atlantic City because I allow you to.”

Nice.

So, Gillian does what any crazy lady, son humping, murderess would do. She calls in Gyp, who hardly needs to be pushed at all before he snaps, and tells him where Nucky and AR are going to be dining that evening. And, just like that, boom goes the dynamite.

Last, but not least, Big Al is making a push to take over now that Johnny T. seems fond of snowbirding in Italy.

It’s only a matter of time before push comes to shove.

Until next week.

- C.J. Kaplan

###

“Acting & Acting Out”

This week’s episode finally saw a few of our favorite characters acting out…blowing off a little steam, if you will (sorry). We all knew that Nelson Van Alden would eventually snap, but who could have imagined such a gruesome scene? I guess this proves that the iron actually works quite well and that poor Treasury agent died in vain.   Bork Bork has easily locked up “wife of the year” honors with her calm demeanor and fragrant orange slices in the homebrew. And Nelson already has a new job acting as O’Bannon’s enforcer.

On the other side of town, Johnny Torrio comes home and Al gets nervous that he’s in trouble with the boss. After fearing for his life in the meat-packing district the happy truth is revealed: Ol’ Torrio is ready to retire and is confident with Al’s leadership. It looks like Al won’t suffer the same fate that befell Jimmy, another one of the Muppet Gangster Babies that wanted more power.

Nucky both acted and acted out plenty this week, first by feigning ignorance to Gillian over Jimmy’s death (setting in motion her Gyp-fueled revenge), secondly by pretending to be a cattleman in order to speak with Secretary Mellon (setting in motion his political revenge plan on Daugherty and Remus), and thirdly by beating up Billie’s actor friend for smirking and/or disrespecting sheiks. But his finest performance was still to come – giving Billie a lifetime annuity while seemingly setting her free, trying to convince her (and himself) that he’s really a good guy after all.

Of course, Nucky’s thespian skills ultimately saved him, AR and Lucky, as he humored an annoying acquaintance on the boardwalk and avoided the bomb at Babbette’s. Come to think of it, Masseria isn’t going to take Gyp’s failed assassination attempt well.

I’m totally on-board with Margaret’s attempt to turn her boring lectures into an underground planned parenthood, but where exactly is this relationship with Owen going? If they were smart they’d ride that pony back to the old country, because things won’t end well for them in AC.

One final interesting thing to note: both Nelson’s and Nucky’s victims ended up with bloody damage on the left side of their faces, in the same spot where Richard wears his mask. What, if anything, does this symbolize?

- Mitch Blum

###

“The Fire Down Below”

You’re damn right I just referenced a Bob Seger song! Not only was the fire in the greenhouse the plot catalyst in this episode, but two of Boardwalk Empire’s central female characters had a fire burning down below as well.

Gillian is in a headlong death spiral right now. She’s so far gone that she’s picking up stray men by offering them cigarettes (fire!). After catching Charlie (her only living boy toy) snorting a little H with one her girls, she hits the boardwalk and snares Kansas farm boy Roger with his military background and slicked back hair (sound familiar?) and lets him take her back to his crash pad. While they are en flagrante, she calls him “baby.” But, not in the sexy Telly Savalas saying “baby” kind of way. More in the creepy cougar-cradle robbing-Oedipal kind of way. Yeesh! And then, to top it off, she tells Roger that she’s going to call him James. Roger is excited because it’s the first time he’s done a woman older than him. Oh Rog, I mean James, you have no idea what you’re in for.

Meanwhile, Margaret apparently has a little fire starter on her hands (and not the kind Prodigy sang about). When Teddy tells her it was a gypsy (“Gyp” Rosetti, maybe?) and she later discovers the oilcan and matches in his bag, she does what any good mother would do. She gives Teddy three ineffectual swats on the butt and then has sex in the burnt out greenhouse with a former lover who currently works for her husband.

Wait. Let me back up a second.

Fire is, indeed, the central theme here. And while most people think of fire as destructive, an equal number regard it as cleansing. Especially the devoutly religious. In Judaism, for example, before a kitchen can be declared Kosher, it needs to be cleaned. Not with soap and water, but with fire. In many religions, fire washes away sin in a way that no other form of absolution can. Why do you think witches were burned at the stake?

With the greenhouse turned to cinders, Margaret’s slate has been wiped clean. All the sins of her past, real and imagined, have gone up in smoke with the potted palms. Now she is free to start sinning again. Enter Owen Slater (Get it? Clean “slate.”). Mr. Slater represents the incarnation of the fearsome Pooka, a malevolent Irish fairy who comes out at night to take his share from the local farmers. This is not to be confused with Owen’s Mr. Pouffle, who also comes out at night to get his share.

Frankly, this re-coupling surprised me. I thought Owen had as much contempt for Margaret as I do, but apparently he just can’t quit her. Katie must not be paying enough attention to Mr. Pouffle because it isn’t out of loyalty to her that Slater first rebuffs Margaret. He’s thinking of his boss rather than his girlfriend when he says no. In the end, Maggie gets her way and they both rise like phoenixes from the ashes.

A brief word about Teddy-boy here. I’m glad to see he’s graduated from fire to knives. They’re much easier to conceal after all. The only question left is who he shivs first (Or is it shanks? I still don’t know the difference.) My guess is that it will be one of the anonymous nursemaids who refuses him a lemon drop and gets a cold, steel blade for her troubles. We’ll see.

Down in DC, Nucky finds himself at odds with the man he helped install as the Attorney General. When Nucky confronts him and threatens to expose the whole operation, AG Dougherty puts him in his place.

“Who are they gonna believe? The United States Attorney General or a liquor bootlegger from Atlantic City?”

It seems that big-time gangsters and big-time government officials are fond of tagging Nucky as a small-time crook. Not good for the Nuckster’s street cred. However, it does precipitate the reunion of Nucky and Esther Randolph. The surprisingly fetching DA can’t get Nucky’s possession charge to stick, but she is willing to listen to his proposal of how to take down her boss. Esther correctly points out that Nucky always wants to be the father figure. He’s certainly done it with Lucy, Margaret, Billie and Jimmy. He even did it with Gillian to a certain extent. Although that was more in a Billy Ray Cyrus pimp/dad sort of way. At any rate, Nucky thinks he has Means in his pocket. But, he doesn’t know that Means was in the closet when he was fighting with Dougherty. When Nucky tells Esther that he has the juice to oust the AG, he’s only half-right at best.

Gaston Means (played by Stephen Root) is emerging as a truly engaging character. He appears to be available to the highest bidder. Whether he can play both ends against the middle remains to be seen. By the way, Stephen Root’s most memorable TV role? Jimmy James on News Radio. Gillian will be pleased to know that, somewhere out there, Jimmy James rides again.

Elsewhere, Richard Harrow has a new woman to obsess over and/or stalk. Julia Sagorsky is the lovely daughter of a man who is chasing ghosts. She and Richard have so much in common, it seems they were made for each other. My guess is that dad won’t approve. Until Richard makes the bartender disappear, that is.

And finally, Eli and Mickey pay a visit to the new sheriff of Tabor Heights, a.k.a. the next guy Rosetti sets on fire (See, again with the fire!). Eli is asserting himself more and more. But, we’ll see how much that improves his standing with the Nucky, the only guy he really wants to impress.

Remember, kids, don’t play with fire. You might get burned.

Until next week,

- C.J. Kaplan

###

First, let me correct your assertion about the great Stephen Root. While he was consistently brilliant on News Radio as Jimmy James, his standout role was (is) as the gun packing Judge Mike Reardon on Justified. He was also wonderful as sad vampire Eddie Gaulthier on True Blood. One could say that he has the work ethic of an old Michael Caine.

You know, when I first saw Gillian pick up New Jimmy I thought she was going to seduce him, kill him, burn him (again with the fire!) and use his corpse to finally legally declare Jimmy dead and take ownership of the house. But then things went wrong.

Seriously, Boardwalk, we were weirded out long BEFORE you had Gillian call him James. That was really unnecessarily gilding the lily.

Bringing back Esther – this time as a potential Nucky ally – was genius, however. I love how she instantly went for the kill in her opening statement at court. It was a suspenseful rope-a-dope for the viewers but the long-term prospect of taking down Dougherty is much more intriguing than getting Nucky on possession of a pint.

(Side note: I always thought the “two bacon and egg sandwiches” special at the South Street Diner was a solid late night deal, but Esther got a killer meal for just 20 cents. How did a businessman like Nucky pass that up?)

I like how the show is rotating storylines and characters this season. Just when we miss Chalky we got him intimidating Eddie Cantor last week. Just when I was missing Richard we get introduced to his new love interest – plus a surprisingly exciting bare-knuckle brawl at the VFW. I disagree with you about the stalking charge – Richard is a good man and he’ll woo her in an appropriate manner (by killing her father’s enemies).

Poor Little Teddy is just misunderstood. His “father” isn’t around anymore and he’s just trying to protect his sister. He even wanted Owen to move into the house. Of course, as the old saying goes, “people in glass houses shouldn’t have sex with the sexy help when their kids are watching out the window”. I think Teddy might have a different spin on what “Pooka” means.

And Mickey Doyle speaks for all of us when he says, “I heard Gyp was wearing a dog collar. Tee hee hee!” Well played, Mickey.

We’ll sweep out the ashes in the morning,

- Mitch

###

So, what did we learn from this week’s episode other than the fact that Gyp Rosetti and Nelson Van Alden will someday appear together on HBO’s Real Sex 137-Gangsters Get Freaky. I mean, wow! I may have to revise my “two-bit dime store hood” assessment of Mr. Rosetti from the beginning of the season. He’s turning into a full-fledged Brett Easton Ellis character. If the writers could somehow work Jamie Gertz into the action, the parallel would be complete.

Despite Gyp’s, um, weakness, he still manages to get the best of Nucky, who had another up and down episode. First, Enoch gets out and out punked by Arnold Rothstein. After issuing one of the greatest New Jersey slams in the history of anything (“…I’m here in a state that I neither like nor care about instead of back in New York where things actually matter),* AR lets Nucky know that they’re not friends but merely acquaintances out of the necessity of business. Then, Rothstein sticks Billie in Nucky’s face just for good measure. If you wanted a lesson in Gangster Diplomacy 101, Arnold just delivered it.

However, Nucky rebounded with his power play on Eddie Cantor. And thank heavens for that because it necessitated the appearance of one Mr. Chalky (not Milky) White, who has been sorely missed these past few weeks. There is never a dull moment when Chalky is on screen. Where Gyp has the potential for cartoon violence at any moment, Chalky is a seething volcano. The looks he gives people are absolutely withering. Chalky making that putz Cantor sing and dance for him must have been worse for the vaudeville actor than a straight beating. At least Eddie would have recovered from that.

The Gillian storyline is getting sadder and sadder. At this point, I’m rooting for Lucky to bang her and then kill her (or kill her and then bang her—whatever works for him). Somebody has got to put her out of her misery and it’s not going to be the old mutton-chopped sideburns dude. If I may invoke my English major card once again, Gillian is living in a hell only Sartre could have designed. In her world, “the air is perfumed and nothing ever changes.” Why else would she be writing letters to her dead son/lover? It’s like she’s trapped in this House of Pleasures that for her is a House of Torture. We can only wait and see what level of crazy she’ll sink to next.

Margaret, by contrast, was apparently living in a world of denial. Catching Nucky in her former employer’s dress shop with Billie was just stupid luck. And she had the stones to look surprised and disappointed.  A look she duplicated when her doctor friend introduced his fiancée to her. I’m guessing this won’t stop Maggie from making a play for him. In the end, it was satisfying to have Nucky go to Margaret’s room and make his insincere apology. Then, when she tried to get indignant with him, he said, “If I were you, I’d ask myself some practical questions, Margaret.” In other words, “Where are you gonna go, honey? Back to the row house on the shore? Knock yourself out.”

This episode also treated us to a continuation of the Nelson Van Alden story arc. Paranoid as ever, he fears that the Fed from the speakeasy is going to ID him as the former prohibitionist enforcer on the lam. Except this time, his wife, the Swiss Miss, brings the hammer down. Frankly, that was the biggest surprise of the episode. But, it was oddly touching as well. Whatever baggage NVA is carrying (even if it’s full of steam irons), this chick loves him. And it conveniently lets Nelson get involved with the Irish mob.

Back to AR: He doubles down on his gangster cred by having a sit-down with Rosetti and then using the information he gleaned to order a hit on Gyp. My only quibble is that he uses the mercurial Bugsy to carry out the deed. Bugsy mows down everybody in the joint except Gyp, even taking an extra moment to off the paperboy. But, even though he didn’t seal the deal, AR sent a message to Rosetti: You’re in my fuckin’ way!

So, now we’ve got all out war about to happen between the uneasy Thompson-Rothstein-Luciano axis and the Rosetti-Masseria coalition. This isn’t going to be pretty.

It’s going to be beautiful.

Until next week.

- CJ Kaplan

* That’s gotta sting, eh my New Jersey-born friend?

###

New Jersey-born? You might want to get your facts straight, son. I was born wearing skinny jeans, drinking PBR and calling indie rockers ‘sellouts’ at Caledonian Hospital in Brooklyn. Never you mind where I set up my crib a few days later.

This was definitely an episode about the ladies. Margaret deftly pointed out Nucky’s attraction to damsels in distress, ironically enough in the very shop where he helped her get back on her feet. And while AR certainly eviscerated Nucky, the burn of the night goes to Margaret for doing the spin move and giving Billie the women’s health clinic flyer.

Ah, poor pathetic Billie. She was giving off a serious Mrs. Charles Foster Kane vibe in that terrible performance. On the plus side, Eddie Cantor was much better on stage than he was singing for Chalky and Dunn. Then again, Eddie was probably wise not to bust out his best “schvartze” material.

Picking up the theme from last week, once again Nucky tried to play gangster but instead of straightening out Gyp and keeping his customers satisfied, he was focused on rescuing Billie, aka the next Lucy Danzinger. You’re really disappointing me this year, Enuch.

At least he’s warming up to Eli again. He’ll need as many allies as possible soon enough.

Of course the performance of the night goes to Bjork Bjork, whose support for Nelson is unwavering. From confidence-building sex, to enabling his rationalizations, to unnecessarily killing federales, she’s pretty hunky dory with whatever needs to happen to protect her family.

The big reveal this week was that Gyp is under the protection of Masseria. That explains why no one has put that rabid dog down yet. But Gyp’s look of realization when seeing the dead paperboy showed that he already realizes that AR was the one who put the hit out on him; so much for the uneasy truce between Rothstein and Masseria.

Anyway, I’d love to say more about Gillian, Uncle Junior and Jimmy James, but I’ve got to run. I think the paperboy is at the door.

-Mitch Blum

###

Ever since The Walking Dead premiered I’ve been wondering about the weaponry. While guns seem like the best choice for killing zombies, the constant need for fresh ammunition and the horde-attracting noise makes them a not-so-great option. Darryl’s crossbow is pretty bad-ass, but let’s be honest – he’s been using the same three magic arrows for months now, and there probably aren’t too many qualified fletchers left in the world. T-Dogg’s silence is a powerful dramatic weapon but certainly not the best way to kill a zed.

I figured out early on that a sword would be pretty sweet – they’re silent, deadly and keep the corpse at arm’s length. Best of all, chicks dig a swordsman – at least according to that Antonio Banderas movie. So I’ve been waiting for someone to bust out a blade or two. Lo and behold, the mysterious Michonne showed up this week wielding a samurai blade. Between her sword skills and her armless/jawless zombie slaves, she’s a strong addition to the show.

Also nice was the emergence of tough Carl, a significant upgrade from deer-petting Carl. It makes perfect sense that he’d be an asset instead of a liability after living in Zombie-land for almost a year. Hell, my twelve year-old was ready for zombie-killing action after a weekend spent playing Left 4 Dead.

Rick’s best decision was to secure the prison as a new home base. His worst decision was to throw away the cat food. Didn’t he ever see that episode of Chopped where the guy made that beautiful braised owl with catfood au vin?

Then again, Rick also made the terrible decision to go tag some prison walls with Glen and Herschel. Why exactly is the old man, the closest thing the group has to a doctor, going on offensive raids anyway?

But the best thing about this week’s very good season 3 premiere episode was that there was only one woe-is-me speech by Lori, and this time I actually agreed with her. Newborn babies are terrible to begin with, but stillborn zombie babies killing you from the inside are even worse.

A good start for the season, although TWD has historically started and ended seasons well. Let’s hope it continues.

###