Humor Essays

For many years I have flooded the virtual world with essays of grace and significance. And jokes. So many jokes. Here you will find an archive of some of my personal favorites.

While pretty much everything that I write falls under the general heading of “humor” (or “humor, attempted”) some things defy categorization.

In My Time of Dining
A Handy Guide to Choosing the Perfect Mode of Transportation When Traveling Away from Home
A Handy Guide to Choosing the Perfect Place to Stay When Traveling Away from Home
The 5 Stages of the Company Holiday Party
Secrets of the Admiral’s Club Revealed
In Search of a Fancy Title?
Has the Time Come for Polygamy at Work?
When I Spot a Businessman with a Metal Attache Case
The Modern Etiquette Guide to Physical Greeting Gestures
A List of People I Don’t Mess With
FAQ: “Fat Boy Shuffle”
Old Man in the Mustang
Getting Old Ain’t Hard to Do
Having a Fine Time Doing Time
Freaky Friday Presents: My Psychic Gift
Posts That Could Have or Shouldn’t Have Been
Are We Really Still Bothering With NASA?
Will the World Finally Come to an End Already?
Can We Just Give Hawaii and Alaska Back Already?
An Open Letter to People Who Write Open Letters
Francophile or Francophobe? Take the Test and Find Out!
Return to Sender
Puzzling Behavior
But Wait…There’s More!

The city I love has inspired many essays over the years.

9 Great Ideas for Filling the Filene’s Hole in Boston (10/11/11)
Hubway Bicycles: Urban Transportation Miracle or the Devil’s Plaything? (9/10/11)
What Your Train Says About You (Boston Edition)
Riding the Rails, Boston-style
How to Drive Like you’re from Boston
Strangers I Love: Old Man Jogger
Strangers I Love: Jesus Is Lord Guy
In Defense of Jaywalking in Boston
The Boston Cab Driver’s Quick Starter Guide

I started eating solid food while still in the hospital. Obviously that makes me quite the expert on food and drink. Take that, Frank Bruni.

In Defense of (Shitty) American Beer
A Truffle Scuffle, or The Most Dangerous Word in the English Language
Rating the Snack Cakes
In Defense of (Fake) Food
I know Your Secret, Crappy New York Diners
Hey James Beard, what’s with all of the Awards?

I’m better at making jokes about sports than I am at playing sports, which proves that sometimes the apple rolls pretty far away from the tree.

The State of the Professional Sports Union
2010 World Cup Handicapping for the Non-Football Fan
The Red Sox Fan’s Guide to Delivering Snappy Responses to Yankees Fans if (when) the Yankees win the World Series
The NHL-NASCAR Merger: Not As Crazy As You Might Think
The Boston Sports Fan’s Guide to Choosing a Jersey
Help Make Competitive Sleeping an Olympic Event
The Truth About Men & Sports
Fight Club Discovered North of Boston

While I’ve never been accused of being fashionable I come from a long line of garmentos.

The Jewfro Monologues
A Beard’s Life
Exposing the Dry Cleaning Myth
Introducing…the Work Short
Some Not-So-Crazy Fashion Advice
You Wear It Well
My Secret Life as as ’80s Radical