Mitch Blum

Destroyer of Words

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A Rough Week For the Young Boston Sports Fan

June 28th, 2013 · 1,435 Comments · Boston, Sports

Good thing it’s the last week of school, because here are the messages I had to deliver each morning this week to my young Boston Sports fans…

Monday: “Hey, I know it sounds impossible, but the Celtics traded their coach Doc Rivers. Remember that time we met him outside of the Colonnade and he was really nice to you? He’s gone now.”

Tuesday: “Bad news. The Bruins lost the Stanley Cup. I know you slept in your Lucic jersey and he scored the go-ahead goal in the third, but then they gave up 2 goals in 17 seconds and lost. It was a good run, though.”

Wednesday: “I guess the Patriots are going to need a new tight end because it looks like Aaron Hernandez might have pulled a Ray Lewis. Hopefully it’s just a misunderstanding and everything will be okay.”

Thursday: “Sometimes when grown-ups murder someone they have to murder someone else to cover up the first murder. But sometimes they forget to swallow their Bubblicious gum and get caught. The important lesson here is don’t chew gum and/or murder people. Anyway, it looks like Aaron Hernandez won’t be playing for the Pats anymore.”

Friday: “I guess Mom already told you that the Celtics traded Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett – the two best players on the team and the heart of the franchise. The good news is that we got a lot of draft picks in return, so they might be good again in 5 or 6 years!”

Looks like it’s going to be an expensive summer of jersey buying.


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