Another entry in a series of love letters written to random people that I don’t know. Think of it as nothing less than a celebration of humanity!)
Dear Jesus Is Lord Guy,
Please know that today and forevermore I love you.
I love how you stand outside of every sporting event and music concert in Boston handing out your pamphlets offering me the choice between heaven and hell. I love how you don’t presume to tell me to pick heaven, but you kindly offer me an option. I really appreciate that. I’ve never quite figured out whether you frequent big events due to the crowds or because drunk people are more receptive to your message or because drunk people need to be saved most. Does it even matter?
I love you because you’ve been doing this every day for as long as I can remember. As a matter of fact I can’t recall the last time I went to the Orpheum or the Garden and you weren’t there. Honestly, it wouldn’t be a show without you.
I love you because you be-dazzled the bag that you carry your pamphlets in with the same ‘Jesus Is Lord’ message that’s on your vest. Most people don’t appreciate the importance of consistency and simplicity when delivering a message. But when I see you, I know where you stand on the whole Jesus issue. Well done.
I love you because you use every square inch of your body to deliver that message. You’ve got the hat, you’ve got the pinny, you’ve got the front placard, you’ve got the rear placard and you’ve got the bag. A NASCAR driver could take lessons from you on using all of the available real estate.
I love you because you’re in great shape. While my weight has yo-yo’d up and down over the years, you’ve always maintained that trim figure. Hey, maybe that’s shallow, but I really respect a man that takes care of himself.
Obviously I have a few questions for you, like: ‘what motivates you to do this every day?’, ‘how many people have you saved over the years?’, ‘how do you pay your rent?’ and ‘have you killed any prostitutes?’, but those can wait for another time.
Jesus Is Lord Guy, I sincerely consider you a Boston icon, seeing you makes me happy and makes me feel grounded to this city that I love so very much.
Either way, I just wanted to say that I love you. And good luck with the whole salvation thing.