Q: What is the ‘Fat Boy Shuffle’?
A: The Fat Boy Shuffle (FBS) is a dynamic physical movement that deceptively gives the appearance of hurrying-up when walking but doesn’t involve any actual hurrying-up.
Q: When does one employ the FBS?
A: The FBS can be employed at any time when one is walking in the street but it is best used when someone in a car lets you cross in front of them.
Q: How does one perform the FBS?
A: The FBS is easy and fun to do! First, wave and smile at the driver as an acknowledgement of their generosity. Secondly, lift your knees up high when walking so that your legs appear to be moving faster. Finally, swing your arms vigorously to give the appearance of increased effort. Note: you should swing your right arm back when you lift your left knee up and vice-versa.
Q: Why should one do the FBS?
A: The FBS is a majestic sign of civility that has been tempered by laziness. To whit: you are at an intersection. A car comes and decides to let you cross. As a token of appreciation you want to acknowledge the driver’s generosity by hurrying-up across the street. But you really don’t want to break into a trot (which could jeopardize the sweat shield) so you bust out a FBS.
Q: What is the ‘sweat shield’?
A: That’s easy. The fresh feeling garnered from your morning shower is officially declared over when the first bead of sweat is produced. That feeling of freshness is actually created by a microscopic layer of soap between your skin and clothing. This layer of clean soap is the ‘sweat shield’. Sweating destroys the sweat shield and eliminates the fresh feeling until you shower again. Your daily goal should be to preserve the sweat shield for as long as possible.
Q: Do you recommend bar soap or body wash?
A: Body wash, always. With a loofah, if possible.
Q: Who can do the FBS?
A: Anyone! You need not be fat or a boy to employ the shuffle. All you need to be is mildly polite and lazy.
Q: So why is it called the FBS?
A: Because it was named after a well-mannered fat boy who lazily shuffles across the street when cars let him cross in front of them.
Q: Can I meet this well-mannered fat boy?
A: You already have!