Mitch Blum

Destroyer of Words

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Entries from June 25th, 2010

A List of People I Don’t Mess With

June 25th, 2010 · 22 Comments · Humor

Over the years I have clearly established my bona fides as a legitimate tough guy. And while my lifetime street brawl record stands at an unimpressive 0-1-0 (please bear in mind that there were extenuating circumstances,) I like to think that I haven’t been involved in more street brawls precisely because most people recognize [...]

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FAQ: “Fat Boy Shuffle”

June 18th, 2010 · 7 Comments · Humor

Q: What is the ‘Fat Boy Shuffle’?
A: The Fat Boy Shuffle (FBS) is a dynamic physical movement that deceptively gives the appearance of hurrying-up when walking but doesn’t involve any actual hurrying-up.
Q: When does one employ the FBS?
A: The FBS can be employed at any time when one is walking in the street but [...]

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2010 World Cup Handicapping for the Non-Football Fan

June 10th, 2010 · 88 Comments · Humor, Sports

Introducing…the World Cup
Every four years, like clockwork, the non-U.S. portion of the world re-commences their long-standing crusade to teach Americans about football, allegedly the world’s most popular sport. So desperate are our Euro-African-Asians friends to convince us of football’s greatness that they created an international tournament called the World Cup with the sole [...]

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Old Man in the Mustang

June 4th, 2010 · 3 Comments · Humor

Old man in the Mustang
What are you doing
Waiting at the train station
Each and every morning
Why do you sit there
You’re not dropping off
You’re not picking up
But you’re always there
Why do you wait
On the little side street
Like a creepy stalker
Who are you stalking
Is it your ex-wife
Or a former friend
Are you trainspotting
Or planning a hit
One thing I know
Is [...]

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