If you’re like me, you grew up in the 1970s idolizing Pete Rose and rooting for the Reds, then moved to Boston when you were 15 and adopted the Red Sox as your team. In the subsequent 20-something years your love for the Sox has only deepened but your problem is the obnoxious Yankee fan relatives that you left back in the tri-state area.
Assuming that you’re in exactly the same boat that I am, I figured that I’d develop a list of snappy comebacks to the inevitable ribbing that will most likely commence this weekend. I call it:
The Red Sox Fan’s Guide to Delivering Snappy Responses to Yankees Fans if (when) the Yankees win the World Series
“Sure, you’re happy now, but just wait till Kate Hudson starts filming “Fever Pitch 2” at Yankee Stadium.”
“I guess Billy Beane was wrong after all – an extra $85mm in payroll really CAN buy a championship.”
“Call me the next time the Yankees win a championship without former Red Sox Johnny Damon leading the way.”
“Hey, I heard that Joe Girardi is already updating his binder for next season. Good luck repeating!”
“Eh, baseball was a lot more fun when everybody was on steroids anyway.”
“I’m glad you won this year. A rivalry isn’t really a rivalry when the other team hasn’t won in almost 10 years.”
“Does this mean that the grounds crew will finally stop performing Y.M.C.A. now? Look, if you want to unseat Massachusetts as the gayest state in America you’re going to need to approve gay marriage, not just insult the Village People’s legacy.”
“Has Suzyn Waldman stopped crying yet?”
“Oh well. I guess Phil Rizzuto’s Curse of the Money Store wasn’t true after all.”
“The joke’s on you. We actually buried Ortiz’ positive drug test results under the new stadium. Good luck finding them!”
“Whatever. Your team is still owned by the Steinbrenners.”
(Please feel free to add your own snappy comebacks in the comment section.)
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Come on, Pedey…we need you to pull out one more for the Sawx.
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Thank you for reading yet another hilarious NaBloPoMo installment. You can find all of my NaBloPoMo essays here. Other side-splitting humor essays are here. You can subscribe to this blog’s feed here and you can follow me on twitter here. And please tell your friends to stop by.
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“Maybe now you can fill those seats behind home plate…”
Those seats (Legends section) are listed between $10K and $27.5K EACH on stubhub! For that much money you better get free beer and peanuts.
I’m actually pretty happy for the Yankees! They worked hard, they played better, they earned it. A shame their fans are still such assholes.
Sadly, I’m not sure that Red Sox fans are really any better.
Now, should I wear my pink or cammo Sox hat today?