Mitch Blum

Destroyer of Words

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Entries from November 29th, 2009

How to Stay Famous

November 29th, 2009 · 6 Comments · Humor

One of the problems with today’s hyper-speed news cycle is that people barely get their full 15 minutes of fame anymore. One minute you’re surrounded by the paparazzo everywhere you go and before you know it – poof! – nobody cares about you anymore and you’re forced to rush out a bad memoir named after [...]

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Getting Old Ain't Hard to Do

November 27th, 2009 · 29 Comments · Humor

While many people will scratch and fight and basically do anything they can to avoid getting old, there is a small minority of individuals (okay, just me) that actually enjoys aging. I’m guessing it’s because as a child I was blessed with three glorious old men in my life – my two dearly departed grandfathers [...]

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A Beard's Life

November 25th, 2009 · 1 Comment · Humor

One of the best things about being a man is having facial hair. Not only is growing a beard totally fun but it also allows a guy to completely change his look. Unlike women who can color and cut their hair to mix things up, most adult men just don’t have enough head hair to [...]

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Having a Fine Time Doing Time

November 24th, 2009 · 12 Comments · Humor

I’ve always thought that I could really succeed at prison life. And I don’t mean the local lock-up or even the county jail. I’m talking medium-to-maximum security prison-prison. Now, I’m not saying that I want to go to prison, nor am I implying that I accidentally killed a man in Boise and deserve to go [...]

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Strangers I Love: Old Man Jogger

November 23rd, 2009 · 8 Comments · Humor

Dear Old Man Jogger,
Please know that today and forevermore I love you.
I love how you jog up and down my street every day. Well, I suspect that you run every day but I don’t actually see you every day. Perhaps you take a day or two off a week. You probably should. You don’t want [...]

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Cross-Cultural Intellectual Relativity Theory (C.C.I.R.T.)

November 22nd, 2009 · 8 Comments · Humor

I’ve been hard at work in the lab lately doing some landmark research on cross-cultural intellectual relativity theory (C.C.I.R.T.) and wanted to share some of my initial findings just in case any readers had valuable insights to share before I submitted my final report to the appropriate scientific journals.
I believe that I have proven, beyond [...]

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The 5 Stages of the Company Holiday Party

November 20th, 2009 · 60 Comments · Humor

This time of the year the media is always full of useless articles with suggestions for avoiding embarrassment at your company’s annual holiday party. Ironically, these articles provide the same advice that my Mother attempted to pawn off on me in high school: “Just nurse one beer throughout the entire evening.” This makes a [...]

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Jets, Rails & Cars: A Handy Little Guide to Choosing the Perfect Mode of Transportation When Traveling Away from Home (not legally affiliated with Planes, Trains & Automobiles)

November 19th, 2009 · 29 Comments · Humor

You’ve read A Handy Little Guide to Choosing the Perfect Place to Stay When Traveling Away from Home.
You’ve booked the perfect room.
Now you’re probably wondering how to get to your destination.
Fear not! For today we bring you:
Jets, Rails & Cars: A Handy Little Guide to Choosing the Perfect Mode of Transportation When Traveling Away [...]

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I Hate, John Mayer!

November 17th, 2009 · 7 Comments · Music

I hate John Mayer so very much. I’m not sure if there’s anyone in the music world that I hate as much as John Mayer.
Why do I hate John Mayer?
I hate John Mayer because I don’t buy his sensitive singer-songwriter bit. I think he’s pulling a fast one over on the ladies. All [...]

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A Handy Little Guide to Choosing the Perfect Place to Stay When Traveling Away from Home

November 16th, 2009 · 64 Comments · Humor

Traveling away from home can be one of the most exciting things to do in life. It can also be the most frightening, especially when you get sleepy and are far away from your own comfy bed. And while most people understand the basic concept of exchanging money for a room, the options [...]

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